In the past two weeks, something is again happening in his little body and disrupts his routine. He is withdrawn in himself, becomes more sensitive to noise at school and to physical touch, avoids responding to the demands of his environment and mostly wants to be alone in his room.
I have already experienced hard times with him. I know that every such wave of instability in his emotional and physical regulation, will pass. I don’t know how long it will take but I know it will pass. Despite being familiar with the known symptoms of such a wave, the moment where the eating disorder comes in, is the moment where my resolve is weakened.
Children and adults on the autistic spectrum are prone to different related illnesses, such as epilepsy, sensory disorders, metabolic disorders, etc. Eating disorders are prevalent among around 90% of children on the autistic spectrum. They feel heightened sensitivity in the mouth cavity or the fingers, and therefore high selectivity of food is very common. On the one hand they do not feel full and eat excessively, and on the other hand they might feel a lack of appetite and not eat at all. We the parents remain with a big question about what is happening inside there.
I know my son, and I have no doubt he is hungry. I have no doubt that he suffers from not being able to put food in his mouth even when I put in front of him a plate full of the things he likes so much. His eyes stare at me with a look saying “I’m hungry” but I don’t know how to help him. All the advice I got did not bring a real change. The saying of that doctor that “every hungry kid eats” till echoes in my mind, and I am still furious when thinking of it. My boy is living proof this is not true. I don’t know what sensitive spot my distress in this matter hits. Why when he is in pain I am in pain and worried, but when he doesn’t eat I practically go out of my mind? His tired face haunts me and I am greatly disturbed, day and night.
This morning on the way to school, when he asked as usual to open the bag with his breakfast, I did so and put it open next to him. I did it somewhat indifferently. And then, after a minute I heard….
I immediately felt all my muscles unwind, my breathing getting deep and relaxed, and my tense shoulders loosening up. I decided to slow down the drive, give him time to finish at leisure. I was prepared to tour the city until he finishes eating, and to have the back seat fill up with crumbs. I did not think of what others might say about him eating while driving and how unhealthy it is. Only let him eat and get full. I looked around, the sun was shining, and I realized that I don’t need more than that.
